Since the Seeker-Sensitive Churches haven’t done it yet, I thought I would do them a favor and write down the 10 commandments of the Seeker-Sensitive/ Purpose-Driven Church. Here is the list:
I am the God your bearded Girlfriend who delivered your from a life without purpose
1. You shall love the vision God has given you with all your heart, soul, mind and strength
2. You shall engrave the vision God has given you on large tablets and in your journal so all that see it shall run. It came from heaven and you shall make it manifest on the earth. You shall bow down to serve it and fulfill the purpose God has given your life, for God is a God of purpose showing my purpose to the third and fourth generation of all who fulfill their purpose.
3. You shall not keep your God in a Box, for the Lord will not hold him blameless who keeps his God in a box!
4. You shall honor the day of Football and keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day (Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, and some Thursdays) is the day of Football. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male and female servants should still go to work so you can have the day off, but not the visitor within your gates. For six days in the week pass so you may rest and watch football, therefore the football day is made holy.
5. You shall always confess positive things over your life so that it might go well with you and you have a long and prosperous life.
6. You shall always do all you can to anger “religious” people
7. You shall not commit adultery and tell anyone so that you may receive forgiveness, God wants you to be happy and wouldn’t let you stay in an unhappy marriage
8. You shall always give your full 10% tithe and not rob God
9. You shall not tell big lies, God understands you need to tell little ones every now and then
10. You shall not settle for anything less than the best house, the best wife, the best job and employees, the best car, the best toys and have them all better than your neighbor and live you best life now!
So what do you think? Are there any I left out? Any that should be changed or fine tuned? Conversation is welcome!
Though shall give freely to My Prophets with the bad hairdo's. Prosper them then i will prosper thee
ReplyDeleteThou shall waketh in the morning and declare thy greatness in the mirror. Then leaveth thy house and let thy greatness be known to all....... that thou might be blessed.
ReplyDeleteHA HA those are great! I forgot the Stewart Smally theology! Or the witch in Snow White theology LOL :)
ReplyDeletehahaha! I love that positive confession is the first commandment with promise! And I think that there needs to be something in there about twisting Gamaliels words about if this is not from God then it will fail to say that we shouldn't judge anything or one...least of all those who twist the words of God lol
ReplyDelete-Derek
OH yea, how could I have forgotten the 11th commandment, thou shalt not judge! I forgot! Of course if you say i'm judging someone, then your judging me...so they can't win either way! LOL
ReplyDeleteVery entertaining :) Thanks for sharing.
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